Black Holes and Broken Hearts 2/26

It was all lies. 

You would say every night you'd come and save the night of remembrance.

Where were you? I begged, lied, stole, and even cheated without a purpose.

Did you have a reason to disappear in the world's black hole?

I sat for days left with spaces between my fingers where yours fit perfectly.

You promised a night to remember where you'd finally tell me.

I sat for hours that night waiting for your existence to fill the void!

This void wrapped around me replacing your arms and you warmth settling in me.

How could you just leave without a settled goodbye. 

I too would've have said so myself if I wanted to be voided from the world.

At least....my world.

Was this easy?

My expectations had left me hoping and wishing for the immense loneliness to find its way out.

But, no...You discovered another path around the voidness of constant heart break.

You didn't want this did you?

You left me with emptiness in my hands. 

What have I to look forward to, when all this is done?

You've completely settled in a better angle of this oddly shaped past.

Life left a black hole, black hole for your words and my broken heart.

Typical me 2/19

Typical me.
I'm very unorganized at times and it can get annoying for me.
I've been lacking sleep. I wake up, tired than the average tired person. I push minutes for myself to sleep, but time runs by so fast I end up fighting the sleep and force myself ready.

   I'm getting good grades.....except one or two classes with either high or low C. Government isn't my thing, I can't focus on something that strikes me with no interest, Astronomy...we take tests/quizzes literally the day after we get done writing 3 pages of notes.

   I don't have time to study at home because I live with my aunt now while family live in Alabama because I have to finish my school year and good lord my cousin and aunt fist fight, scream and yell, and I'm stuck watching a baby and two kids. When I say I've no time I literally have no time. My classes are full except creative writing but I have astronomy 2nd hour and we get 5 minutes....THATS NOT ENOUGH TIME!!

   I do all my homework in my classes. All I got to do in creative writing is write, write stories which  love, but I things get crazy for me when I end up losing my journal the day of or before its check. And I stress about it because I'm tired ALL the time, and can't focus.....


I forgot journal check we today....and didn't put my journals together....

My "addiction" 2/11/16

This'll sound a bit corny...


I met my boyfriend two years ago. We both went to school together, enjoyed every second we had with each other. We had a thing for each other not too long after we met and became a couple. I think back now to things we did together and I can't help but wish it again. I've grown completely addicted to the memories of us. I'm addicted to thinking of our future after high school.
It seems as though I grow more addicted to it. He's made everything amazing for me. I've grown so close to him and he's one thing I absolutely can't live without (of course some adults out there might say it's a phase) But I've been through 4 boyfriends before my 10th grade (that's when I met and started dating my boyfriend). All those boys never really were what I looked for, dating them only sounded good because they were my best friends, but I never really actually had fellings for them or any other guy. Realizing later they all had cheated on me and lied to me, I've completely given up on even dating. Then I met my current boyfriend. Never once has he showed a sign of discomfort. He's been loyal and honest, and absolute buddy to me
   Pets, (no I will not be a nasty old woman with a dirty house with animals), I just love animals. I just can't quiet seem to get by so easily without one. I just love having something warm and fuzzy/fluffy beside me in bed, or even just to play with and care for. Animals have always been something to bring me up from a hard day, even when my boyfriend isn't able to get ahold me (that's rare, he's in a band and he does a lot with his dad at his shop).
  Video games, sounds bad, I know. It's pathetic. But my dad used to play video games all the time when I was literally a year old. I started play at 3. Seriously. Started playing Atari and Nintendo, GameCube, PlayStation, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, Xbox, you name it I used to have or have. Video games seem to be the thing that helps me relax, sometimes, ha! (Gamer reference). It blocks out sound.
  Music, I love! I play drums, guitar, and a little bit of piano, literally a little. I can read music though.
I've played music since 4th grade, it relaxes me and it helps me focus whether it's me playing or just music I listen to. Rock, metal, punk.
  Last but not least, my family. They've been through everything with me to get me to where I am now. They are amazing and helpful, we get out of hand sometimes but it doesnt stay that way. We always forgive and move on. They are one thing I cannot live without.


Had to explain the boyfriend part more to make a point.

All in the movement of my lips 2/5

It's all in the movement of my lips

You face trouble and you taste deceite 

Just place your warm hands on my hips

And drown out all your defeat

Having trouble looking in my eyes

I can feel and even tell

That you think all I say are lies

Don't think about what fell

Deep in thought I can see

I feel you get nervous

Just slide your arms around me

And it'll clean up the mess

You're having troubles understanding

But I promise you'll feel better

Once you hear the meaning

I heard you say "I love her."

I have a confession for you

Just hold me secure me 

And I'll tell you the truth

And everything honesty

Just listen, and watch closely

Because you seem to be scared

Of what may come from me

You're already prepared

It's all in the movement of my lips

I'll whisper in you're ear

As you slide your hands back to my hips

Luckily you're still very near

"I love you."